Time To Dance

I can't believe how long since my last post. It brought me to tears when I logged on and read my last post. What a happy post it was. Made the pain of Joshua's death more sharp when I saw it this morning.

Joshua died last Thursday morning, July 1st. The joy of finding a donor was matched by the devastation when the donor backed out and Joshua continued down a path that in his own words, didn't have any time-outs. I have struggled a lot over the past weeks with my faith. But in my heart, I know that Joshua did not lose his battle. He won the battle. He is free. His faith insprired me, his love of life made me re-focus and re-prioritize. Time to live each moment, savor every little thing, don't leave any "what-ifs."

Time to dance...

A Miracle!

*****UPDATE FROM JOSHUA***** Prayer works!!! My perfect matched donor just agreed to donate his stem cells the 2nd week of June!!! Thank God!!! I can't stop crying!!!!!!!

I can't think of anything to add to that beautiful statement! Beth

The Flood of 2010!

I can't believe that Middle Tennessee could be so ignored by the national media. Basically no one outside of Middle Tennessee is aware that we had a flood of epic proportions over the weekend. We sustained 20" of rain in some areas, massive flooding. Loss of lives, loss of businesses, many areas do not have clean drinking water, nor electricity. Roads are damaged and unpassable in some areas, bridges are compromised, many, many have lost their homes and cars.

Please spread the word, in case everyone doesn't grasp the severity of what's going on in Middle Tennessee. Temporary shelters are at capacity, missing people are unaccounted for, many homes are under water, there is a water conservation emergency in Davidson County and some surrounding counties, much of Nashville's economic base is threatened by flood damage. Flood damage is widespread and of epic proportions. You can text 'REDCROSS' to 90999 to donate $10 to disaster relief.

I am very thankful to have not had to evacuate my family and to not sustain flood damage. But many people have suffered much. The economic impace, truthfully, will far surpass that of Hurricane Katrina. The area impacted and number of people will be much greater. Thankfully there will not be the extreme numbers of loss of life, but any loss is still loss.

It would be very nice if the national media would focus on it just for a minute to let the rest of the world outside our immediate area at least recognize that this has occured.

Joshua

I have a friend, Joshua Ragsdale, who is battling leukemia. Joshua was given very few options to save his life, basically he was told he needed a bone marrow transplant or there was very little hope. Unfortunately none of his family members were a match for him, so he was referred to BE THE MATCH, which is the bone marrow registry and the desperate search began. His family, his friends, people who don’t even know Joshua became involved by submitting kits to register to be a donor.

I have, along with several of Joshua’s friends, worked for years to raise money for Relay For Life. We have a team and have a wonderful time each spring raising money and participating in this very worthwhile cause. We chose this year to make BE THE MATCH our focus for Relay. So, we contacted them and they supplied us with training and all the supplies we need to administer the kits and register people through BE THE MATCH. We have worked very hard to get the word out and sign people up all the while hoping not just to find a match for Joshua but matches for people like Joshua, who were frantically searching for a match.

Miraculously, a match was found through the registry. A one in 12 million chance, according to Joshua’s doctors. The process was started to prepare for the transplant. Joshua has been at NIH in Maryland for months enduring the treatments to prepare him to receive the transplant. On Monday Joshua was told by his doctors that the donor had backed out of the transplant. He is devastated, we are devastated for him. We are back to square one, again trying to get the word out, trying to change the donor’s heart, trying to find another. Joshua’s doctors tell him they can keep the cells from blasting for about 1 month…odds are not on his side.

Joshua Ragsdale is an amazing person. He is a successful songwriter and an incredible spirit. His words through the darkest of moments are a light to those of us dealing with nothing compared to his struggle.

I am attaching links to BE THE MATCH and to several facebook pages to give you a flavor of this story.
http://www.marrow.org/
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=143381280558&ref=ts
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=143381280558&ref=ts#!/joshua.ragsdale?ref=ts
http://www.facebook.com/beth.w.garrett?ref=profile

Please go to the site and register. Please pray for healing, pray for comfort, pray for understanding, pray for a cure. Pray for Joshua.

Moments

I think a lot about living in "the moment", about experiencing life while I am in it. I feel like moments are a bit overwhelming at the moment!

I was definitely in "the moment" when my son woke me in the middle of the night and I opened my eyes to my baby, covered head to toe in blood, saying "Mama, I did something bad and we are hurt." I was in the moment for many hours after that for helicopter rides and ambulances and doctors and emergency rooms, for lots of desperate prayers and for the comfort of great friends and family.

I was in the moment when I had both children's birthdays fall in the same week when I was too broke to buy presents or have parties (see above!).

I was in the moment constantly over these last two weeks as my knee blew up and became the focus of my life, much to my dismay, with no easy option for healing in sight.

I was in the moment on Saturday when I spent a wonderful day on the air and enjoying a great local fundraiser with some of my favorite people in the world, while my sweet Annie was at dance competition with great friends who took care of her while I couldn't. I was definitely in the moment when Annie called to say that she and McKenna had won 1st place for their duo and won a special judges award to boot!

I was in the moment when I spent a few hours on Saturday night relaxing and laughing with Scotty.

And I was in the moment when I woke up worrying once again at 3:00 a.m. worrying about how to make it all work this week, how to pay for everything that needs paying for, be where I'm supposed to be and not let anybody down.

And then I was in the moment when I read my friend Joshua's post on facebook. Joshua is battleing luekemia. His hope for survival is a bone marrow transplant, but there was no match. Miraculously, a match was found, one in 12 million chances, thru Be The Match. Joshua has been thru hell and back to get ready for the transplant and traveled back to NIH yesterday to get ready for the transplant. He got the news today that his donor has backed out and his transplant has been cancelled. Right now I am living in his moment. I can't imagine how he is feeling. I am devastated for him.

I don't really have any eloquent words to express about that moment. I don't understand, there is no one to explain. I don't really know even how to end my post. The moments will continue, time marches on, another moment will come on the heels of every other moment. I pray for Joshua's next moment to be so much better.

Saturday is a BIG Day!

Well, of course, Saturday is always a big day. First, it's the weekend...nuf said. Second, we have our show. The three of us always go to breakfast and go over notes for the show, laugh a lot, then go to the studio and get on the air. It is wonderful stress relieving therapy!

This Saturday, though, we will be on the air all day. We are hosting a BBQ Cook-off and Concert to benefit The Fallen Officer's Association and The Child Advocacy Center. It is going to be a fun day with lots of great food and lots of great music. All of the WDKN radio personalities will be there introducing acts and helping entertain.

We have some really great music lined up and great sponsors too...The Roxy, Hiscall, Leadership Dickson County Class of 2010.

I am hoping for a beautiful day, I have put in my request with the "Lawd" as Kenneth says. I have faith that it is gonna happen.

Why?

I am not a complainer. I am high maintenance, but I self-maintain! I believe you make your bed and you lay in it. I believe that we all have our cross to bear. I say all that to reiterate...I am not a complainer. And I pride myself on being strong of spirit and very resourceful. I always have a plan b, c, d or right on thru the alphabet. I am quite adaptable.

I made my situation myself. As my great friend Margaret says..."honey, some of us are just bad pickers." Well, I picked badly and I have paid dearly. I won't go into how dearly, I don't like to go into it. Most people don't know or understand and frankly, I don't want them to. Most definitely not my finest moments in life. But out of it, I got the two most magnificent gifts of my life, my two beautiful children. And, suffice it to say...I would not go back and do anything differently and miss out on the honor of living my life as the mother of my two sweeties.

I, we, escaped it. And we live happy and strong lives. I give them wings to fly and find themselves like my parents gave me. We live, we laugh, we love each other, we worship together, we are a happy family, me and my two kids.

And regularly, their father pops into our lives to distort, disrupt, argue, accuse, swear, embarass, upset, disappoint. He has spent years living so selfishly that he is oblivious to the fact that he has this affect on their lives. Up until now they were too little to realize how he made them feel. Now that they are getting older and they see him as he is, he has become angry. He is angry that he can no longer tell them how to feel or what to think. He is angry that they don't accept as normal the way he chooses to live. He chose to skip spending Christmas with them. They were there as they always have been for Christmas Eve with their dad, they were excited about the gifts they had picked out for him, and that they had talked their mom into spluging to get what they wanted to buy for him even in a year where the Christmas budget was extremely tight. He just didn't show up. Didn't call. I put my baby to bed that night at home and she cried herself to sleep. My son was so hurt. Of course his hurt comes out as anger, he wants to fight his dad...not a good thing. And since then, there has been more and more hurt, more name calling and threatening. I have come to realize that the saddest part of the story is that he doesn't even know who his children are. He doesn't know that he has a beautiful, strong, intelligent, articulate, Christian son who will become and amazing man. He doesn't know that he has an angelic, artistic, loving, graceful daughter who is so desperate for the love of a father figure that I fear she will latch onto any man who shows her the least bit of attention.

I do not know how to fix this situation. I am worn out from plan e, f, g...s,t,u. And I have prayed for the answer. Listened and looked to find it. I have pursued things that make me happy and whole in the belief that just making our lives happy would overide all the negative. But, it always intrudes again. Some days I can't get past "why"?