New Year, New You (Me)!

I have had a long standing tradition (rule) of not making New Year's resolutions. But in the interest of making a change, of really starting something new and changing my life...this year I have a list of resolutions.

No. 1 Make some New Years Resolutions

I like this list. Seems doable!

I read and think thru information like a sponge. Recently I have been reading some blog info on vulnerability, and I had an "aha moment" to quote Oprah (favorite person to quote)! I am afraid of vulnerability, very afraid. I am a compassionate and loving person, I think anyone would describe me that way. I have great big emotion and love to heap it upon anyone and everyone in my life. I am the person who builds people up, I am the head cheerleader for everyone's life. I can quote perfect scripture, a poem, a song lyric and give perspective or comfort. I can listen, and Lord knows analyze a problem and help you come up with a plan. I can be honest. I can make you laugh. I can make you something to eat and make you feel better.

But I will rarely let you know that I need those things. I am tough, in a rawhide leather sort of way. I know that I am. I am very, fiercely independent. I can be very passive, I don't let you in, not really. I don't cry, rarely ever and mostly only when no one can see. It is my way of not feeling, not needing comfort. I am afraid a lot. I am afraid of letting everyone and myself down. I am afraid that I am not enough. Enough for what? hmmmm, just enough. Self protection mode, keep it all together...That's how I live.

There are the few, who see thru the mask, who know exactly what I am describing and you know who you are. I love you beyond my ability to express it.

So, my addition to the list of resolutions above is to make some real changes to ME, to open up, soften up, let some feelings show, and to accept that I don't have to be an island. I might be enough.